How to Handle Your Intern: A Guide for the BEST Boss

It takes a particularly sour life to ensure that your intern gets the full bitter experience.

Congratulations on your fifth startup! All the struggle you underwent convincing your parents to trust you with their money again has paid off. The worst is over, and now it is time to make this other people’s business. What’s a better way to begin than by tapping into the most cost-effective labor the world can provide? 

Student internships are no piece of cake, it takes a particularly sour life to ensure that your intern gets the full bitter experience. Here are five important pointers for Best Bosses to keep in mind, so that every intern has an UN-forgettable experience at your company! (though not necessarily by choice) :

1. Work-Life Balance. 

Interns are fragile creatures. They have not yet developed life skills like ‘saying no’ or ‘standing up for themselves.’ It is up to you, dear boss, to ensure that such unnecessary habits are never developed. 

For this to really work however, it is important to first learn how to talk to your intern, follow these five easy steps: 

  1. Dial number. 
  2. Wait patiently. The poor things need to shake off their fear until they finally get to answering your call. (Remember, 1 ring= 1 prayer by a scared intern.)
  3. When they pick up, begin on the offensive. Something simple but powerful. Like, “Why didn’t you do this? It’s urgent.” (It really isn’t, but they don’t need to know that now do they?)
  4. Assume a state of benevolence. Give them, out of the kindness of your heart, one hour of their weekend to finish this absolutely urgent piece of work that goes up next-to-next week. 
  5. Once done, aftercare is always important, so wish them a happy weekend (smiley emoji optional) and advise them to take plenty of rest. After all, you do care about their well-being!   

Once you’ve nailed this one in the head… Call them in for work on the weekends, call them after work hours. You know what? Just go all out and call them even on holidays if you’re that bent on making this internship a ‘fruitful experience!’ (for you)

2. Encourage questioning 

I only lost five hours of sleep over this, is that too less?

How much longer do I have to stay back? 

Am I really cut out for this?

Is it too soon to quit? 

Questions are the gateway to progress. Frame your workspace authority such that your interns run wild questioning everything… literally, everything.

Always remember, a good intern is an intern riddled with insecurity. If they were self-assured they wouldn’t need you! 

3. Make them laugh, and encourage their jokes 

Jokes are great ice breakers, and interns great audience. They are guaranteed to laugh at anything you say. This is the best time to try out those one-liners you scribbled in hopes of a career in stand-up.

But keep in mind, this is about them. They are learning from you. 

It is advisable to prepare a great laugh to receive their jokes in good spirit. Interns are not very original creatures, so here are three common intern jokes to practice your laugh for:

Are these the last set of changes?

I’m tired/sick, can I take a day off?

Will I be paid? 

(Very, very important Note: Please remember to walk away while/after you laugh.)

4. Compensation is Encouragement 

A good boss may give their intern a little something in terms of money, a bare minimum to buy themselves some chewing gum… But the best boss? 

The best boss promises vocabulary enrichment through fancy words like ‘exposure’, ‘platform’, ‘sharpen skills’, and ‘network.’

5. Focus on Growth

This last one is a no-brainer. Many successful startups were launched on the backs of unpaid interns. I.e. You must ensure that your interns are used well for the growth of your company. 

And that’s it, five ways to make your intern leave the company SO quick, you never have to worry about seeing the same old boring little sad face for too long.

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