FreeRovingBovineSome nights, when she knows I am alone she'll come down and knock twice. If I catch it, I open. She won't enter, no. Not until she holds my heart and feels it beat, at twice the speed. She turns me around, and puts it back in. Brings her lips closer, as it beats quicker. Her fingers trace... harsh lines from a mean bra and her lips soothe, slow and steady. Then we go to bed and she hugs me, heart in hand making sure it doesnt break, making sure it doesnt hurt.
I have not written for myself
in a long time.
So I feel myself
break
breaking
slowly away.
For people like me, it is discomfort to navigate space, to stand still and observe, to dissolve apprehensions. Our world is a box with no other being. Only their effect-- their eyes. People like me, We catch movements. Hidden conversation. Hateful eyes, mocking eyes. We reel them in with fear, and revel in them. It is always about us. They hate us. For people like me, private spaces do not exist. There is a constant eye-- My eye in another's eye. I'm the only person we watch, critically. Every move, a fault. Every thought, judgment.
Pain is a burrow that digs itself into the crevices of your mind deeper and deeper. Each shovel striking deep into fresh organic mind, harder than it's predecessors. They never stop digging, these madenning shoveliers. They only pause, and like all pauses before this too is temporary, waiting to strike again after a short break.
Every message that I sent
To read it he was hell bent.
Peering eyes behind a screen
Looming all over an anxious teen.
Every picture, every text
Always wondering, what was next?
My first internet friend
A personal, private fiend.
But I too knew some secret code
And so I slipped on incognito mode.
Sniggering, laughing, chuckling, howling
Finally I’d escape unnecessary scowling!
But all at once, I stopped and stared
At one big eye that glared and glared.
My first internet friend- a spy!
A powerful man scared of “why?”
There really seemed to be no way
To keep these nosy men at bay.
And so I picked up a thin white sheet
And cut it out to suit the feat.
Over the webcam with tape it stuck
Poor powerful man, so out of luck!
The peering eye over my screen,
Everything seen was now unseen.
FreeRovingBovine 