The Relationship Jeans

I once had an ex who lived near the cemetery. This was great, because when our sex life died I could bury it there.

What is it about falling in love that makes someone so stupid? So stupid that they sometimes forget themselves and everything that defines them- their ideas, beliefs, likes, dislikes. It’s absolutely appalling.

I had an ex who was bad at everything except looking like he was good at everything. Every waking moment he spent personifying a chimney with his lips habitually rounded around some cheap cigarette. Since he was ever so occupied doing PR of his 0 skills efficiency, I- his wonderfully feminist girlfriend took it up to compliment his PR antics.

I started, via my broken battered PG’s washing machine- Anika’s Laundromat services. My parent’s sent me to study, and I studied- how to wash clothes, iron them, and stitch up any holes.

Stupid relationships are exactly that. Stitching up holes. Instead of throwing out that goddamn pair, you keep stitching it up. Uselessly, you bring in different threads in pathetic attempts to keep things together. But no, it wont stay together, especially not when the wearer of said jeans will decide to do acrobats in them. Calm down sir, you have one pair, that too the pocket is dirty with ink stains from that stupid pen you borrowed from friend and lost the cap of.

What is the solution? you must rip it out. Take your scissors and cut out the bottom and make shorts. Or rip it out piece by piece and use the strips to convert it into a mat and walk all over it in dirty feet.

All I’m saying is- if it doesn’t grab your ass anymore, toss it away sis.